The art of war – toddler style

Project Divide and Conquer day 1:

Initial results favorable. Physical aggression greatly toned down. Subjects muttering pizza pizza pizza pizza like a mantra every time a temper tantrum may arise

Bubble baths successful. Project manager additionally soaking wet and covered in bubbles throughout experiment.

Notes – toddlers will dance when changing diapers if music is playing in a 50 mile radius – making it near impossible to secure stupid Velcro tabs – duct tape suggested for future diaper adhesion … discard suggestion for legal reasons – dancing commenced

Furthermore – special magical berry juice can fix any wound including imaginary wounds from unidentified “stupid” shadows on the ground.

Results could be skewed based on proximity of subjects. However silence is emanating from their bedroom which indicates initial positive experimental results

Physical affection in the form of hugs and kisses were freely offered

Note for future reference – face masks may be a necessity for toddler kisses due to inherent nose goopy grossness mixed in with kisses


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