Lesson #568 in parenting teens : You will tell them 15,735,896 times to have you sign stuff for school the night before. They will still whip papers out of their school bags like some of jet fueled Mary Poppins 8 minutes before they have to be in school on the day said papers are due. It will be like a military grade ambush.
You will be pre-coffee. Inevitably it will be on a morning after you worked til ridiculous o’clock the night before. This is where all of those poker games will come in handy. You, if you have teens, should have mastered the most stoic poker face known to man.
It is too early for wine. You will probably have to go work yourself. Of course it probably won’t be one paper. It will be every paper they have hoarded from the dawn of time.
Since it is pre-coffee, finding a pen let alone using a pen correctly might be beyond your scope. A brief thought will cross your mind. No you won’t be able to hide the smell of vintage merlot on your breath no matter how much coffee you drink to cover it.
However, you will be ok. Papers will be signed somewhat legibly. You may have to break the land speed record (except for the school zone) to get them to school before the first bell. But you will do it and you will do it with dignity because you are a parent. I won’t say that in your head you won’t curse them with 16 children just like them. You will also probably go to work and count down the hours until you can wine. But that is neither here nor there.
To be fair though – if you have a new teen addition in your home, they get a pass the first 14,733 times because they have to do all the first day paperwork in 24 hours mid year.
So practice your poker face. Learn doctor style chicken scratch and return home at a legal speed to your glorious cup of steaming coffee. Love every minute of the never ending craziness because if they are teens, your time with them is short and someday you will miss the antics. On the upside, you will probably drink less wine. Maybe. #parenting