Author: Dusty June

I believe in the Loch Ness monster

Puffer fish and the fist fight

What wine goes with two little girls fist fighting in the bathtub over who gets the puffer fish toy? We are apparently having a very angry night tonight

I have tapped out and turned it over to my husband because I might have gotten slapped in the chaos 🤦🏻‍♀️

My husband is giggling at the absurdity of situation meanwhile I am soaking wet, frustrated and don’t know if I should laugh, cry or both at the same time 😂

Apparently a puffer fish toy is the end all be all of the night 😂

At one point, I looked at the girls and through bubbles actually said “the puffer fish is going in the trash forever”

Those words actually came out of my mouth

Through bubbles 🤦🏻‍♀️

#thisisfostercare

30 days and some change

So 30 days of littles … what have i learned
 
The clearest lesson is that foster care is hard. Really really really hard. I knew that already.
 
I can’t get past how much I really hurt for these kiddos. I tell people all the time – it is broken system – we just help where we can when we can because it is the right thing to do.
 
The last 60 days has brought that point again.
 
This is my third emergency placement since September 1. The heartbreaking portion of this month, outside of the whole heartbreaking part, is this –
 
we had a placement for 3 whole days in September prior to our current littles. It was an emergency. We said yes as we usually do.
 
A 3&5 year old. The state determined that they needed to go from my house to a relative placement after three days. I wasn’t sad. If kids can go somewhere they know and it is a good fit, I am all for it. I am huge supporter of reunification and family support.
 
The heartbreak comes in every day when I see those kiddos. They go to the same daycare as my current littles. EVERY SINGLE DAY, those kiddos run up to me, hug me and ask to come back to my house. I don’t think they are being mistreated with their relative. I really don’t. I just think we were a lot of fun in a scary time.
 
My husband had off from work the day before the Via Colori Street Painting Festival 2019. He came to daycare with me to pick up our current group of 3 littles. The previous littles lost their mind when they saw him. Ran right past me and hugged him like their life depended on it.
 
I am not saying this because we are awesome and have the best foster home. I am saying this because those children, whom we had for 3 days, still want to come to our house. Two months later. Trauma imprints on the brain. Trauma will shape their lives forever.
 
I try to explain trauma like this –
 
It is a giant elephant in the kitchen. The longer you ignore it, the larger the elephant becomes. However, though the elephant won’t go away, it can become smaller and more manageable if you don’t ignore it. Maybe it can help with the dishes or cooking. Maybe just maybe it might get so small that you can put it in a drawer and only remember it when it rears it’s ugly head through triggers or flashes of things that make you revisit scary moments.
 
We want to help the kiddos in our world reshape and redefine their elephants. Being Trauma Informed is never ever a bad thing when it comes to working with kids.
 
The kiddos we had in September will slowly forget about us and we hope that they work through the trauma, but ultimately – we will never know.
 
The not knowing is hard. When you get an emergency placement – you know nothing. They usually hand you a scared kiddo and an empty binder. It could be weeks before you can piece together some semblance of a story. Or you could never find out.
 
We won’t know the whole story of any kid that comes into our home. That sucks. It is hard to fix something without all of the pieces.
 
However – i would suggest – if you can foster – DO IT! I hate that we need foster homes but I am glad to be a safe harbor.
 
I also struggle with the talking heads who don’t live on the front lines. I struggle with people who get on social media and claim to be changing the landscape and are so out of touch with reality. They chose to put on a happy face, say things are changing and deep down – I can’t figure out how they sleep night because it is getting worse. They put a pretty band-aid on a open artery and state that it is getting better. This is hard for me to swallow. Maybe I need to sit on some important committee and wake people up. On second thought, that is a terrible idea. My northern lack of filter would not be the best for a political landscape. 
 
So if you are like me and want to put your money where your mouth is and you live in Kentucky – consider becoming a foster parent. I can help you. Call me 502-338-3640
or visit this hand dandy website
 
I promise, you won’t be alone. You will not be on an island by yourself. You will be part of a movement to change the landscape of children. I can’t promise it won’t be hard but i can promise you – you won’t be alone in that hardness.
 
#thisisfostercare
#befosteraware
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that one night

My day, about two placements ago, started with a call from my worker and ended this way –

Holy cow! 3&5 year olds are amazing! In case you were curious – all it took to get them asleep tonight was the following:

1. No nap and lots of confusion And a very scary start of the day. Lot of tears. Lots and lots of tears

2. A visit with new people to check to make sure the car seats I just bought today were in correctly! High five to my co-workers for helping out, and then off to go shopping for dresses to wear to school tomorrow (and pajamas, bath stuff, a toy each and converse shoes because Jojo wears them, Jojo panties because all others are subpar and socks which $250 later hurt my credit card)

3. Lunch at McDonald’s when “we aren’t hungry” before we pulled in and then “chicken nuggets” after we pull in and then back to a strange house for a bath. In a strange bathroom. But at least there were bubbles. In the tub and the floor and on a cat. But bubble none the less

4. 2 hours of watching a strange lady (me) take a toy out of a box (which I did without cursing once BTW – why the F@&k do we need so many zip ties and a sacrifice to get a Peppa pig tree house out of a stupid box)

5. Dancing to Jojo videos on YouTube and eating fruit by the foot while they explained how baby alive pees in her diaper.

6. Up and down the steps 598,876,541 times to visit jake and Griffin Dane

7. More dancing-this time with the strange lady’s husband Simon and 50,000 questions to said husband

8. Dinner at Chick-fil-A Elizabethtown because they have a playground

9.arguing with adults because one French fry means they have eaten and can go play now – right!?!

10. 15 minutes of play with teenagers in said playground – no shoes of course – but they did have to open the door three times to yell “I love you” at the top of their lungs across the restaurant to me 😂

11. Quick trip to Burke for Jojo bows

12. Waiting in the car for strange lady (they still can’t pronounce my name) to get the much need marshmallow unicorn cereal for breakfast tomorrow and pullups

I came back to the car and my son whispered that they were sleeping and I should be quiet

Griffy and Simon carried them in from the car

Look – if you have never lotioned and changed a five year old and a three year old into new footie pajamas (because jojo has those in her “tube” video) – you are missing out.

It is like maneuvering a wet noodle into a fleece hoodie. It is not easy.

But after that nightmare -they were into a strange bed but fell fast asleep.

This is foster care. It is not always this easy and tomorrow may be rough. Tomorrow I may want to punch a plastic Peppa pig in the face because she won’t stay on her stupid tree house swing.

Tomorrow it may take an act of Congress to get them to school and bed and to eat. Tomorrow may be easy too.

Either way

They are safe. And I am learning about the cult of Jojo one hair bow at a time.

And yes

They are as sassy as my Daughter

Wine and Workers

Because my friends are awesome – this arrived on my porch tonight. Of course it had to happen when two social workers were standing in the doorway leading to the porch 😂😂😂

I am still laughing

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Therapeutic Pajama Shopping

 

Can I just say this? Every foster care placement I have had has been different. Different ages and back stories. However, all but one (because he was young man and didn’t need anything- trust me I tried) has started with me taking kids on shopping sprees for clothes (cause they usually need it) and fast food or sushi for dinner.

Every single one.
It works for me and the kids. Breaks the ice and gives me a chance to include them right away in something just for them.

Did I want to spend $154 at target tonight on three pajamas and three outfits for school tomorrow? Nope but guess what – it was fun and absolutely needed because they came with some toys and the clothes on their backs.

Sometimes unicorn jammies, or knee high boots or sushi heals small wounds so we can get through the first very scary night together.

Now I have to get some sleep. I was informed that I don’t have the right cereal in my house so I have to get up and make eggs 😂😂😂

This is foster care

Mr Nubs and the littles

Is there an award for getting three kids under the age of 6 up, fed and enrolled in new schools and getting to work by 10am? On just two cups of coffee? On the first day of the worst menstrual cycle in 30 years? And I still was able to say goodbye to my teens before they ran out of the house to get some silence?

And my littlest is totally pissed at me because I wouldn’t let her take Mr Nubs to school today 😂😂😂

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You are not my mom

72 hours in and the words I have been waiting to hear happened.

You are not my mom

My response – you are absolutely right but this is my house and you are my guests and guests aren’t rude and oh by the way, I am the boss in my house. And my job is too keep you safe as long as you are a guest, so no you can’t throw crayons at the dog 😂😂

Response from youth- oh I guess you are right

You think 😂

😂😂😂😂😂
#thisisfostercare

You are not my mom

72 hours in and the words I have been waiting to hear happened.

You are not my mom

My response – you are absolutely right but this is my house and you are my guests and guests aren’t rude and oh by the way, I am the boss in my house. And my job is too keep you safe as long as you are a guest, so no you can’t throw crayons at the dog 😂😂

Response from youth- oh I guess you are right

You think 😂

😂😂😂😂😂
#thisisfostercare

What wine goes with rules??

Three little ducklings are sound asleep. It has been a week. They are adorable and funny and hanging in there very bravely. I am so proud of them. We have had some learning curves. We are getting on the same page. 10 things I have learned this week.

1. In the event that you spend 85 minutes every day looking for shoes, buy a bin just for shoes. Like looking for shoes in 10 square feet makes me want to send them to school in bare feet. Like how do you lose shoes in a bedroom? They have mastered this. Until today. We now have a unicorn bin outside the closet and shoes go in there. Period. If I find shoes anywhere else, I might need more wine. 😂😂

2. Kitchen ladles make excellent bath toys. Bonus points if they are Loch Ness monster ladles

3. Bedtime is not set yet. I am a sucker for 5 more minutes.

4. Juice boxes are the devil. That is all

5. No matter how hard you try, you will never get everything right. And our mantra in our home is “one day at a time”

6. Belly laughs are the best

7. Omg why are there so many frickin buttons on things? Literally kid fashion designers should be drawn and quartered for placing buttons in places buttons shouldn’t be.

8. And Omg why does every car seat have to be so difficult. Like seriously, I know we have to keep our littles safe but does every strap have to twist and why do kids insist on sitting ON THE MIDDLE click thing. I have to ask them to get it out because I am not digging around China and who knows where else to find the middle click thing. 🤦🏻‍♀️

9. Laundry is quadrupled and why do they use so much toilet paper? Like why? They are tiny. Well tonight I discovered that if you place the tip of the paper into the toilet and flush while it is still on the roll, little girls will laugh hysterically. I discovered this because ALL three of them were in the bathroom laughing maniacally and I had to discover why. It could have been worse.

10. Therapy dogs and tail less cats can cure anything. Period. And special thanks to my husband for naming Mr Nubs because kids are funny when they are in public talking about how Mr Nubs eats their toys and sleeps in their beds 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

#thisisfostercare 2019

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The Devil and the Stupid Princess Castle

Can we talk for one minute about the ridiculousness of toys. My friend donated me a toy castle. It is pretty and girly and adorable. It also came from the bowels of the 7th level of hell.

No scrap that. Satan wouldn’t even tolerate this damn thing.

This castle has 68 million snapping together pieces. These pieces add flare to the beauty of this thing. It has a swing and garden and some floating tea party ridiculousness. Oh and of course each blasted section is separate.

I want to punch this castle in its turret every single day. Why? Why would I want to destroy this beacon of girly goodness? Because the stupid 68 million pieces NEVER EVER stay together. And I have put the stupid f*^#in thing together 800 times today alone. A mouse farts in the woods in Oklahoma and this thing separates. This pink plastic hell beast of a toy.

And I do this every day because I get “dusty my castle fell apart again” from the cutest three year old on the damn planet.

I swear to all that is good, if they are still here for Christmas, I am super gluing EVERY SINGLE toy together.

Every. Single. One. Superglue.

What wine goes with frustration inspired by children’s toys? Asking for a friend

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