Buyer beware! So I am in the final rounds of finishing up my purchases for surgery and I found these today. Infused pads. Sounds so spa like. I assumed these would be perfect for post surgery. All cooling and infused and shit. Who doesn’t want cooling soothing stuffs when things are sore?

I was wrong. So very very wrong. As I am still experiencing some things that necessitate a pad – I tried one of these bad boys. After my months of hell, I wanted a spa night for my vagina. I was damn deluded. I got more intense hell.

This pad lasted 3 minutes. In that three minutes- my nether region felt like it had been rubbed with icy hot, coated with a menthol toothpaste and dipped in listerine while engulfed in the flames of the sun.

Like Spanish Inquisition burning. Salem witch trials for your genitals.
Fires of Mt Doom hot.

I Peri Bottled my way out of these and threw on the old boat length overnight pad. An hour later and the burning has subsided to a numbing tingling and I am just going to resign myself to regular old pads post surgery.

So I am offering these free to my masochistic friends who may enjoy this sort of thing – I do not. I won’t judge at all. Seriously just drop me a message. We all know feminine products aren’t cheap. I have one unopened pack and one pack that is missing one because well … see above description.

hades #holyhothooha

Lesson : toddlers will understand that the kitchen is off limits when you are cooking if you give them pots and pans and spoons to play with in the dining room. However, I caution you, there will be loud giggles and really really bad versions of RENT or STOMP going on in your dining room while you cook

Lesson : it will take you three hours to put away one basket of clothes with the help of toddlers and you will find clothes on the dog, in the dishwasher and shoved under the couch

fosterparenting

Me to my 13 year old : “if you sing while brushing your teeth tomorrow and wake me up in the morning, you will wake Godzilla and I will knock you on your butt”

My 13 year old : “(laughter) – yeah ok mom whatever (more laughter)”

Apparently I am not scary….or taken seriously
Dammit for raising him with positive discipline … Oh and I need to borrow a Godzilla mask for a practical joke the next time he decides to have a brushing – flossing opera at 6:45am

Lesson: with two toddlers, one will inevitably be extremely hyper after dinner and the other could kill you with a look of grumpiness
Ignore it all and drink wine

Lesson: if you have 50 fleece blankets, it doesn’t matter how well you hide them, they will be unearthed and EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM will have to go on the bed before night night time

fosterparenting

2017

Lesson : no amount of cheese will cover broccoli – toddlers are not fans
We have conquered corn and green beans
Broccoli is insurmountable

fosterparenting

Lesson learned : if you lie to a toddler and call green beans by a different name like green cheese, they will try it and eat the beans. Be prepared to explain green cows due to the fact that you previously explained that cows make cheese

On a different note, for years Torin Hofmann was convinced that the crab i often put in spaghetti was chicken

some things never change

fosterparenting

How do you lose one Neon pink mitten in a 10×12 bedroom?

toddlers

It is dark and very cold and 7am. I am actually up before the girls. Apparently my herd of dog dogs (as they are now be called by the little ones) had me on a toddler schedule for years for breakfast and outside time. Who knew.