In the quiet and very raw and very vulnerable moments first thing in the morning, you may take a breath and every emotion you have been holding onto will come flooding in like a crashing wave.
My daughter came home from college last night. The magnitude of that doesn’t escape me. She hugged me for ever and then immediately jumped into help with dinner. My son hugged his sister. The sheer force of emotion on that one was astounding.
Then I watched two little girls play with her hair before all hell broke loose. I watched my son play Pokémon with the oldest. It was the calm before the storm.
Last night was rough. Their flood gates finally opened. There is a lot of questions I can’t answer. I may never be able to answer the questions. There was a lot of me just holding them as the cried.
We got through it. And I walked into the living room and saw my daughter and about lost it. She came home and still calls me mom.
The gravity and beauty of that never diminishes. She sat and listened patiently to my rant. To my emotion. And she did so with dignity and grace. She is way stronger and braver than I will ever be.
As parents, we hold it together so that our kids and especially our extra kids don’t see that raw emotion. I hold it together because I am afraid once it starts, it may not stop. This morning’s title wave is brought you by a lack of sleep, too much to do and the purring of Mr Nubs, whose life was probably awful before my home.
I am not all that brave. I am merely reckless with my own emotions. That is ok because I have a quiet moment every now and then so it works. I can be raw. I can be vulnerable and Mr Nubs won’t judge to harshly.
And seriously menopause hormones don’t frickin help.
So today, if you are raw, if you are vulnerable, if you are holding in those scary emotions – know that you are not alone. I am right there with you. I have learned recently that my arms are large enough to hug three littles and still have room for a cat or dog or raggedy teddy bear.
Time to start the day. We can get through it and wind up standing on the other side of this 24 hours with a sigh of relief. Because even raggedy teddy bears need a safe place to land.
This is foster care and it is the most heartbreakingly beautiful thing you can ever do. Stop questioning if you can and stop making excuses for why not – or why not right now- and just do it. I can help you. You won’t be alone. I might know a person or 12 that can get you to the place where you can help- one raggedy teddy bear at a time.
Parentingandwine 