So a debate is raging in my head. I am obviously overwhelmed with work and my boys and life and Via. Throw in some foster kids and well it really adds a touch of chaos. I know I am good parent, foster or other. I have parenting fails. Like the time I dropped a television on Torin Hofmann’s face or that time that i forgot to take Griffin to his job fair or that time ….etc … there are too many to list.
I have been a parent for 23 years. since I was 17. i sucked at it for a better part of 15 years because i was a kid myself. Kids are selfish. I was selfish. i have learned so much in 23 years. It is ridiculous.
so here is the debate: i will probably close my home to foster children when the girls leave. the debate is simple – my heart says that there are thousands of kids who could potentially be in my home and they need a safe and loving and patient place to land. i believe this so strongly that finding, training and licensing foster parents has become my career. it is in every fiber of my being. My heart says stay open.
my head, on the other hand, says that i will never say no to any child if they call. Little Johnny Bagodonuts could have eaten his grandmother’s face off the week prior and i would say yes. bring him over. we will load his pockets with snacks and wear hockey masks when we hug him. Then I will spend the next month teaching little face eating Johnny that faces are not for chewing.
and burn myself out doing it. Making the decision to foster is not easy for some. Making the decision to not foster is hard for me. Because i know the whys and hows and struggles and hurts.
thankfully my husband, when i discussed little face eating johnny, said one line that solidified my decision. He simply said “If we close, you can shift your focus to Via and make that the most amazing festival in kentucky so that anyone who knows about Via understands the need for foster parents and the need for people to help those foster parents and foster kids.”
and that is enough. so the debate and the doubt and the fear of this choice will rage on for awhile but in the end, i am choosing to focus on helping foster kids in other ways. I have five years left in kentucky… time to make my time here mean something!
Parentingandwine 