Tag: teenagers

Hell on Earth – hormone style

So it takes courage to admit when you are wrong. For years I told a dear friend that I looked forward to hot flashes because it was better than being cold all the time. Let me you, I was wrong. So very wrong.

Apparently hot flashes really are like being swallowed into the pits of hell when all you want to do is sleep.

Like being roasted alive by cavemen who really just want to see you burn.

Like laying out in the sun, in the Sahara, sipping lava.

Like vacationing to the core of the Earth. Every damn night.

They are evil. Pure evil. Like my hormones can take a flying leap. (Insert as many curse words and expletives as you can right here and you will have my mood)

You know what is worse though than hot flashes? A damn teenager waking you up after your night of languishing in a torture chamber of sweat to sign a (insert A LOT of curse words here) piece of paper that he had for a (more expletives) week.

You will have had no sleep, the cats that sleep with you hissed at you all night because you fought with the blankets, sheets and your own skin.

You, at one point through the night, will have contemplated sleeping in the bathtub. With ice water. Cosplaying the Titanic.

You will have weighed the option of drowning or being burned alive from the inside out. Really, both suck. You might do as I did and just angrily reach for the switch for the ceiling fan. Turn it on high. Glare at your husband when he complains. Like really glare. One complaint from divorce glare.

It is so bad, having to get up to sign that (EXPLETIVES) piece of paper- you won’t even want your usual wine. You will ooze out of your sweat soaked bed and head to the living room to sign his (EXPLETIVE) piece of paper.

When his friend comes to pick him up, he will say “Good Morning” very pleasantly and then he will see you. Really see you.

That friend will “oomph” and laugh because you look like you just went 9 rounds with Satan himself.

You will want to murder that friend, your kid and probably your husband. You will want to murder them with a 1000000 paper cuts from that (EXPLETIVE) piece of paper.

You won’t though. They probably don’t have your favorite wine in prison.

You will sign that piece of paper and smile at that friend. And then you will get in the shower and blissfully allow the water to hit your poor parched skin.

Satan will laugh at this point. Hysterically.

Because the minute that cool water hits your skin, you will scream because now you are freezing cold. Those screams would be censored in 19 countries. Not because of the volume. No – they will be censored because you have screamed curse words that never existed until that water hit your poor poor skin.

You will probably spend the rest of the day wanting to eviscerate everyone. It is ok. I am with you. I am with you because that is my day today because I was so very very wrong and hot flashes are literal hell.

Boo

Circa 2016

Me to youths – “I am going in the basement to work – please let me know when the oven timer goes off”

Youth – “why – you baking cookies?”

Me – “no I am baking screaming heads”

Youth – “what- wait- why”

Me – “because that is what I bake when I am not baking cookies”

Insert diabolical laughter here

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Two years of firsts

She came to me almost two years ago. She really didn’t have much. My husband and I put her few boxes and suitcase in my van and drove her from where she was at to our home.

It was awkward- the first car ride. I do remember telling her that first day – “I don’t give a sh*t about where you came from, my job is to get you moving forward”

I was never accused of being subtle. I cursed in front of a foster kid. Appropriate or not, it worked for her. It was what she needed. Well let me say that it broke the ice. I promise, I was a lot less subtle as the months went on.

She was just a 16 year old foster kid I was asked to help. Scared, a lot shocked and nervous as hell. Those first days, I just wanted her to be safe and comfortable. No thoughts of forever – just get through each day one at a time.

Her past story is not mine to tell but I do want to share this…

She is no longer “just a foster kid”- she shares my last name. She is my daughter. I didn’t get a lot of the firsts that most moms get. The first words, the first steps, the first day of kindergarten. Nope I missed out on all that.

I did get her first day of her senior year, prom, first belle dance, first shopping spree, first Via Colori, first trip to philly, first train ride, first go kart experience, first driving lesson, high school graduation (with honors mind you), first going away to summer camp (or precollege), first body piercing, first tattoo, first visit to grandmom and pop pop and the day she changed her name to mine.

This weekend – we celebrate another first – her first day of college. See- I really didn’t care where she came from, I was never part of that story. If that makes me horrible, so be it. But I can’t change the past. And I will be damned if I allow her to be defined by it. F that. She can be defined by her bravery and determination. Her intelligence and resilience. She gets to define her future.

As she leaves for college, I care about the “forward movement” because she is a part of my story and has been since that day almost two years ago.

I am proud to be called her mother. I still hate her taste in music and most of her recipes taste like gym socks and sadness but she is my daughter so I guess I have to suck it up.

She leaves this weekend with a lot more than she came with – including me. I may tell her that I hope college slaps her right in her teenage face but she knows that she will always have family to come home to. And she better come home. We may not be perfect, but we are hers. This college thing is a first I can celebrate. Because it is another first in a long line of firsts to come.

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The fear in adoption – circa 2018

Let’s talk about another adoption. A potential one that is. So most of you know that I have a daughter hanging around my house. She is beautiful, sassy, smart and kind.

She likes all things pop culture and gives my kid a run for his money with anime knowledge. She helps out anyone and even though she listens to Nickelback, I have grown to love her. (Though the next time she plays that band in my kitchen, I told her that I am writing her out of my will – ick – I mean come on)

The potential for adoption seemed an impossibility for us. Her story is exceptionally complicated. However, we want it and so does she.

We have discussed this a lot. As a family. It was a huge decision. And one that could equal a hill of beans in light of so many things. But at least we are fighting for the same thing. Let me tell you why this was such a big decision. Because five months ago, I had decided that I would never ever adopt. Ever.

This decision was shocking because I had specifically said no adoptions. We wanted to be foster parents only. And we specifically said no teenage girl adoptions not five months ago. I actually said and meant – no teenage girls at all, ever. (See how well that worked out for me?)

And my husband, my amazing husband was adamant. No teenage girls. No adoptions. Ever. In fact, he literally would have been happy to be an emergency respite home. Like for a couple of days. Even if we did this a thousand times, he was ok with it. It meant no heartbreak. I was ok with his decision because he hurt too in the “before” times. He hurt a lot.

Yet even he is on the same page. Honestly I thought that it would have taken a ton of vodka and a ton of strawberry rhubarb pie to bribe him into opening his heart again to take a chance. The kids all thought this too. We had it plotted and planned right down to the words we, as a family, would say to convince him to do this. It didn’t have to happen that way. He is onboard too.

You have to meet her to know that this plan and decision of zero teenage girls backfired the minute she came into my life. Ugh. (😜) why does she have to be so damn awesome?

When she came home, I was still very scared of my heart breaking again. It had absolutely nothing to do with her. It was from the before times. She can tell you how guarded the whole family was. It matched her guards. There were a ton of walls all the way around.

I knew I couldn’t do it second time. That heartbreak would do me in. Literally. Have you ever woken up crying because I did two years ago. For weeks. I have never felt like such a failure. But life went on for two years and here we are.

She and I spoke about this because I felt she needed the other side’s perspective. The fear we feel about being hurt again is almost as great as hers. Slowly those walls crumbled around us. We didn’t even notice.

The one day, I noticed. I noticed big time.

The moment I left her at swanky science college camp and cried for an hour, I knew what needed to be done. She gave authenticity to this decision the moment she ran up and hugged me and called me “mom” when I picked her up from swanky science camp two weeks later. Damn kid. 😂

So now, the potential is there. Though it is slim slim potential. Not going to lie, it is going to take a ton of work by a lot of people and some seriously miraculous grace to make it happen, but when it does… well expect a story like no other. We are are optimistic but prepared for it not happen because – I think I mentioned it was complicated.

Doesn’t matter, either way, she is my kid. She was the minute I met her. And adult adoptions are easy to do. I think.

Some people, in their 40s, get a surprise baby. I got a surprise teenager.

It is worth the work. I have gotten really used to being called mom by my nickelback loving daughter. I have learned that when you are not looking, the universe throws stuff in your path that you need.

Sometimes that stuff is scary. But it is there for a reason. I accept that.

However nickelback will never be accepted …. doesn’t matter, I love her despite her questionable taste in music 😂😂😂

So keep my very quirky family in your thoughts over the next 9 months as we start this fight to have her become legally our daughter. It will be an uphill battle. So many things need to fall into place. So many people need to work so very hard. And one thing here or one thing there could shoot this plan to hell. Time is very limited and the cards are stacked against this but I have never met a challenge I couldn’t overcome.

Except for that one time when I tried to get the Loch Ness monster to Via – but that is whole other story.

If we, as a family, with the help of others can pull this off, it will be so so worth it.

Except for the nickelback part… that, that is never going to happen. She can listen to it all she wants. With headphones, behind a closed door, at college. 😂😂😂

2019 update – Because of things beyond our control as a family and the failings of a broken system – adoption couldn’t happen before her 18th birthday. But…..she now has my last name and my heart and will be leaving for college in three weeks ❤️ happy endings always find a way when there is enough courage.

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