Lesson: Toddlers will want to get up in the middle of the night and play. It happens. They will also throw every toy they own around the room in a fit of unadulterated rage when they are calmly told to go back to sleep after at least 20 minutes of soothing back rubbing and hugs.

Avoid them at this point, if you want to keep your sanity. Check for fever, teething, poopy diapers, monsters under the bed, and random aliens in the closet. Calmly tuck them in, turn out the light (and turn on a night light if needed), offer a kiss and a stern but gentle “Stay in bed and go to sleep”.

Immediately close their door and run. There will be banshee screaming and toys hitting the door and you will question if you should call a priest. Because 20 minutes ago, that toddler was asleep in your arms like an angel and now she is possessed by some horrid scourge. DO NOT OPEN THE DOOR. Unless there is proof of blood, fire or vermin, don’t do it. If you do, now it becomes a control issue, They are not screaming because they are tired, they are screaming because you dared to open the door and not cater to them.

They will fall asleep. At some point. If not, they are safe. Record this behavior for posterity and to embarrass them on prom night. In addition, avoid cursing them with 3 of their own. That could come back to haunt you.

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