Lesson: Toddlers will want to get up in the middle of the night and play. It happens. They will also throw every toy they own around the room in a fit of unadulterated rage when they are calmly told to go back to sleep after at least 20 minutes of soothing back rubbing and hugs.

Avoid them at this point, if you want to keep your sanity. Check for fever, teething, poopy diapers, monsters under the bed, and random aliens in the closet. Calmly tuck them in, turn out the light (and turn on a night light if needed), offer a kiss and a stern but gentle “Stay in bed and go to sleep”.

Immediately close their door and run. There will be banshee screaming and toys hitting the door and you will question if you should call a priest. Because 20 minutes ago, that toddler was asleep in your arms like an angel and now she is possessed by some horrid scourge. DO NOT OPEN THE DOOR. Unless there is proof of blood, fire or vermin, don’t do it. If you do, now it becomes a control issue, They are not screaming because they are tired, they are screaming because you dared to open the door and not cater to them.

They will fall asleep. At some point. If not, they are safe. Record this behavior for posterity and to embarrass them on prom night. In addition, avoid cursing them with 3 of their own. That could come back to haunt you.

fosterparenting

Lesson: over a week into fostering two toddler girls and they started to run up to me with hugs when I pick them up at daycare. On the other, more insidious side, they have started to cry when I drop them off. This leaves me with sense of guilt through out my day. I think they plan that. Toddlers will one day rule the world. I am convinced they could survive a nuclear holocaust with the cockroaches just based on what I find in diapers every day.

Lesson: toddlers will wear more yogurt than they eat and you will be forced to give them a bath immediately after dinner while avoiding yogurt covered everything

Kale, gruyere, bacon egg bites-

You will need an instant pot, silicone egg cup, paper towels, tin foil and a measuring cup

Ingredients
1 piece of bacon crumpled (or real bacon bits for us lazy people)
1 slice of gruyere cheese (sliced on three at the kroger deli counter)
1 stalk of kale (use only the leaves)
4 eggs
1 cup water
1/2 cup or either cream cheese or cottage cheese (both are good)
1/4 cup of heavy cream or half and half (I prefer the heavy cream)
Salt and pepper to taste (I use everything bagel seasoning because I pretend I am swanky)

Mix eggs, cream cheese and cream
I use my very pink kitchenaid mixer because I am spoiled but you can caveman style it with a fork if you must
Add salt and pepper to taste or whatever seasoning you want because you have free will and all that

Fill handy dandy silicone egg cup 3/4 full
Add gruyere, kale leaves, bacon
Push down with fork

Cover with paper towel – I trim it to fit around the handy dandy silicone egg cup (I have no idea if this is important but I like to feel clever)

Cover with tinfoil
Add 1 cup of water into instant pot

Place whole contraption on instant pot trivet

Seal instant pot and set on STEAM for 8 minutes
Let natural release

Remove trivet (use frickin pot holders as I have learned- trivet burns suck)

Let cool for a hot minute
Pop egg bites from bottom of cup slowly or flow upside on to plate

Eat and enjoy with whatever coffee you have or wine – I won’t judge

Can be stored in fridge for two weeks
Reheat on 45 seconds in microwave

Lesson: it is very dark at 3:12am, 3:31 am, 3:46am and 4:18am. When you see the dark at these times, you will want to throw your alarm clock through a wall at 6:00am

longnight

fosterparenting

Lesson: toddlers who are teething will bite their friends, caregivers, the family pets, kitchen cabinets, strangers and your coffee table. It is ok. If there have been deaths by toddler bites, I have not heard of it. I would assume it is pretty rare. Redirect, apologize, buy gifts of appreciation for the daycare staff and invest in teething toys. Then go home and don’t question if this a reflection of your parenting. They are only part werewolf for a little bit. They will hopefully grow out of the piranha stage soon! Life goes on…

fosterparenting

Today’s toddler lesson : big wet sloppy toddler kisses are not all that gross. Who would have thought?

Extra lesson : never argue with a two year old about shoes being on the wrong feet. You will get a shoe to the face and a pouty child.

Now that the girls settled and sleeping, I wanted to take a moment to thank everyone who helped me with this. From toys to diapers to a crib and and bath stuff mattresses and sheets and clothes and dinner and pizza and sippy cups and blankets and car seats, I can not thank you enough. You have gathered and collected and purchased and dropped off some items that I didn’t have and really needed! Had you told me even a week ago that I would accept a placement of two toddlers, I would have said you are nuts. But I did. And they have a safe place to land for a little bit. And I owe a great deal to those who helped me change my whole house in less than 24 hours.

I watched a 2 year old hug her favorite dog dog (Darth Vader) while giggling and got to listen to a three year old sing me one line of the happy birthday song for seven hours.

I laughed at dinner when there was a good fight fight and about cried my eyes out when they cried tonight, finally realizing it was all new. They hug and kiss and wave hello and it is pure craziness, but it was the right thing to do. They are safe. We have an ok home. And I am sure this will teach me some valuable lesson.

The first being: stepping on a duplo block while chasing two girls through a house who are on a frozen scooter hurts just as much as stepping on a lego

So thank you for stepping up and helping as you always do, it is just weird because this time, I needed help to help them. You are all amazing and wonderful and so … just … inspiring! Thank you for holding me up!!

There are blocks and toys all over my house
Light switches have become a source of entertainment
And the old cordless phone has been used way more then expected
Exhaustion has set in after only three hours
Holy cow toddlers
But they are hilarious and snuggly and beautiful

fosterparenting

So this isn’t a parenting post but a funny thing happened to me today.

My mom recently gifted me a one of kind taxidermy Christmas squirrel – long story -look up The Creeper Gallery in New Hope Pa for explanation.

I went out today to find a glass display house for my squirrel

Of course I had to take her with me because she is fat and won’t fit in an average box

I went into the store and found a case

I paid for the glass box and little fairy lights and started to walk out of the store

Immediately I was stopped by a clerk as according to them – I hadn’t paid for my squirrel

I said (deadpan and slightly irritated)- I highly doubt you have a musical, animatronic, taxidermied, dead Christmas squirrel in stock

Needless to say – they let me leave without further incident #deadthings #christmastaxidermy #squirreltheft